


I always knew (it's you)

by lifeandlies



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, F/F, Genderbending, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 22:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12994293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeandlies/pseuds/lifeandlies
Summary: Coming out is hard. It takes Nick a while to deal with that.





	I always knew (it's you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunsetmog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetmog/gifts).



> This was inspired by [posts](http://magicalrocketships.tumblr.com/post/168441469313/maybe-harry-comes-over-to-see-nick-like-5-months/) by [sunsetmog](http://magicalrocketships.tumblr.com/post/168440934863/as-always-i-would-love-more-i-had-rather-and-nick/) on tumblr, so this is for them and the anon :) 
> 
> Title is from the Vaccines, 'cause it was the first thing I thought of and I hate titles.
> 
> Nick is not famous in this - I figured she still works in radio but not as a presenter, but really you can imagine whatever.

In a way, it both starts and ends like this.

 

“I'm sorry,” Nick says. She's crying. “It's too much. I can't do it anymore.”

 

Harry is crying too. But Nick's decided. She won't let it sway her.

 

“I'm sorry too,” Harry says. “I shouldn't have put you through all that.”

 

Nick doesn't care about what _she's_ been through. Even if she did, it's nothing compared to Harry. The amount of shit she's had to hear has been staggering. Nick had naively thought coming out wasn't that big of a deal anymore. She'd been fine, hadn't she? Her friends had been fine. Nick doesn't know a single person who got kicked out of their home, or lost their job. Sure, it's not like she's never been on the receiving end of bullshit shouted at her by drunk guys on the street, or leering looks, but she can handle it. It's _all_ bullshit anyway – those _people_ are bullshit. Apparently it's different when you're famous. When you're famous, all the nastiness comes out of the woodwork, and it's suddenly okay to spew homophobia, and in Harry's case a nice big helping of biphobia as well, like the country hasn't decided it's okay for same sex couples to get married ages ago. When you're famous, magazines print unflattering pictures of you under the headline _Coming out is the new trend for attention seeking celebs_. When you're famous, people accuse you of sleeping around, of setting a bad example to kids, of _normalizing sexual promiscuity_ , in the same breath as they'll praise straight women for the same, for taking control of their bodies and identities, for shouting about feminism that doesn't include queer girls.

 

There's been so much ugliness, and it's all Nick's fault. _She_ put Harry through all of that. And she's too much of a coward to stick around for the fallout.

 

-

 

“It's not selfish,” Aimee tries to reassure her. It's been weeks. Nick is still miserable. “Sometimes you've got to think of your own mental health first, you know?”

 

Nick is drinking straight from a bottle of wine. It's almost empty. “I made it worse,” she says.

 

-

 

Nick hasn't slept with a man since her first year of uni. That's, _christ_ , well over ten years ago. She's so fucking old.

 

It has nothing to do with the fact that this man could be Harry, if Harry were a bloke. He's tall and skinny, his wavy brown hair is tied up in a man-bun, his smile is wide and bright, and he can't dance worth shit. Nick is charmed, because she is an idiot.

 

-

 

The first time Nick feels the baby move, she's alone in her flat, and she cries for an hour. Pig snuggles up next to her and doesn't seem to mind that Nick hugs her much too tight.

 

She blames the hormones for the text she sends. _I miss you_.

 

-

 

“You're not allowed to do that!” Harry shouts at her, from where she's standing on Nick's doorstep. “You can't text me shit like that when _you're_ the one who left! You _left_ me!” Angry tears are leaking from her eyes, and Nick thinks she would be crying too, if she hadn't already used up her daily supply.

 

“I'm sorry,” she says, “I just...” But she sees the moment Harry's eyes move from Nick's face to her protruding stomach. The way Harry's eyes grow wide as saucers, before flicking back up to stare at Nick. Nick is waiting for Harry to say something, but the silence stretches on. “Um,” she says, “surprise?”

 

Harry still doesn't seem capable of speech, so Nick ushers her inside and closes the door against the December chill. Harry dutifully takes off her shoes and coat, but she still isn't talking. Nick doesn't wait for her before going into the living room and curling up on the sofa. Harry knows the way.

 

When Harry enters the living room, she doesn't immediately sit down. She seems to be taking the time to really look at Nick, so Nick does the same. Harry looks beautiful, as always – long hair hanging loose, wearing jeggings and a green shirt with a Micky Mouse pattern. Nick, on the other hand, is still wearing her pajamas at 5 pm, and it might be closer to a week since she washed her hair, now that she's thinking about it. Because of course.

 

“Um,” Harry says eventually. “Do you want some tea?”

 

Nick stares at her incredulously. “This is my flat,” she says.

 

Harry blushes. “Yeah, but...” she gestures at Nick. Because Nick is an idiot, it actually takes her a moment to realise what Harry means.

 

Nick huffs. “I'm fine,” she says, and stands back up. Harry makes a protesting noise. “I'm fine!” Nick repeats, and rolls her eyes on the way past Harry into the kitchen. She puts the kettle on, and opens the biscuit tin that she'd left on the counter. She holds it out to Harry. “Hob nob?”

 

Harry stares at it like she doesn't understand what she's being asked. “Oh. No, thank you.”

 

Nick shrugs, and eats one in two bites. She fixes two cups of tea, not letting herself think about the fact that she knows how the pop star standing in her kitchen likes hers.

 

They settle at the kitchen table instead of going back into the living room, two steaming mugs between them, giving them something to look at other than each other.

 

“Why did you text me?” Harry asks.

 

Nick shrugs. “I didn't mean to.”

 

Harry frowns. “Why, though?”

 

“I missed you.”

 

“Yeah, but...” Her gaze slides down to Nick's stomach. Or it would, if the table wasn't in the way.

 

“But what?”

 

“I mean...” Harry takes a deep breath, and looks at Nick very seriously. “Is it mine?”

 

Nick only stares at Harry for half a second before Harry is cracking up laughing at her own joke. Nick groans theatrically, and puts her face in her hands.

 

“You're awful,” she says, as Harry's laughter subsides into muffled giggles. But she's really not. She's amazing. Marvellous. Fantastic. And Nick loves her. She _loves_ her.

 

“Sorry,” Harry giggles. “I had to.”

 

“I'm not even six months yet,” Nick says, “so it couldn't have been yours anyway.”

 

“Right,” Harry says. The thought seems to sober her up. “Are you... are you seeing him, then?”

 

“Seeing who?” Nick asks, confused. Harry gives her an incredulous look, and pointedly looks down at Nick's bump and back up. “No!” Nick says. “No, definitely not. I'm a lesbian, Harold, keep up.”

 

Harry's eyes widen, and then she bursts into even more raucous laughter, until she has to wipe tears of mirth out of her eyes.

 

“What is it now?” Nick asks, confused.

 

“Harold, they're lesbians!” Harry says, breathless with laughter, and Nick sighs, loudly, and places her forehead on the table.

 

“You're the worst,” she tells the tabletop. “The absolute worst.”

 

“You really did walk right into that one,” Harry says, once she's managed to gain control of her giggles.

 

“Fine,” Nick says. “I'll give you that.” She sits back up.

 

“But like,” Harry says. She has to take a deep breath in order to look somewhat serious. “Okay. Did you go to like a sperm bank or something?”

 

Nick snorts. “No. Do I look like I have my life together enough for that?”

 

“Well then, _how_?” Harry asks, and Nick sighs.

 

“Look, just because I don't want to date men doesn't mean I don't sometimes find them nice to look at,” she says. “Even if I don't make a habit of it. Any anyway...” she steels herself, makes herself look at Harry even though she desperately wants to hide under the table, and says, “it was mostly 'cause he reminded me of you.”

 

Harry's eyes widen. “What?”

 

“God, don't make me say it again,” Nick says. “I already told you I missed you.”

 

“Yeah,” Harry says, “you told me _today_. Not six months ago!”

 

“Well, it's been true the whole time,” Nick tells Harry's teacup.

 

Harry's quiet for a long moment. At least it feels long. It's probably not actually longer than a few seconds. “So what does that mean?” she asks.

 

“It means I'm in love with you,” Nick says. Then she decides to go all in. “It means I'm still really very much in love with you, and I guess I... I mean, I'm gonna be as big as a house soon, and there's gonna be a tiny baby human who'll depend on me for the next 18 odd years, and you're really young and I don't expect you to want any of that. If I didn't blow my chance already, that is.”

 

Harry's eyes are wide and shiny, but it's hard to get a reading on her emotions. And Nick's not very good with silence.

 

“I don't think I made the wrong decision when I left,” she admits. “I've been really miserable without you, but I needed to take a step back. I needed to gain some perspective. And I got this little one out of it.” She rubs her stomach. “And I know it'll probably still be hard, sometimes. But I'm ready for it. If you want to take me back.”

 

“Oh, _Nick_ ,” Harry cries, and practically flings herself over the table for a hug – but never actually gets that far, because she knocks over her tea and it spills out over the table, dripping down on the floor. “ _Shit_ ,” Harry says, bouncing up and snatching the kitchen roll from the counter, and mopping up as much of it as she can manage. Nick hasn't even reacted enough to do anything but push her chair backwards.

 

“Harry,” she says, “Harry, _stop_!” Harry looks at her. “I don't care about the stupid tea, just... you didn't...”

 

“You idiot,” Harry says, leaving the sopping paper towel on the table, “of course. Of course I want you back.” And she leans in and kisses Nick, hard. “I practically ran all the way here because you sent me one stupid text, I don't think I've stopped thinking about you for even a second.”

 

“Yeah?” Nick asks, smiling stupidly at Harry where she's leaning over her.

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Harry says vehemently. “And you, too,” she tells Nick's stomach seriously, and of course, _of course_ Harry would be a person who talks to Nick's baby as if she can hear her. Harry gets down on her knees in front of Nick, cradling Nick's belly in her hands. “I love you and I love your mummy, and I'll be the best step mum in the entire world.”

 

“Don't be silly,” Nick tells her, “you're not going to be her _step_ mum.”

 

“I'm not?” Harry asks, and she looks horribly sad about it.

 

“Obviously not, you idiot. You'll be her mummy just as much as me.” Harry's eyes widen, and Nick suddenly panics. “I mean, if you _want_ -”

 

“Yes,” Harry says breathlessly, getting back up so she can kiss Nick again, before wrapping her up in a tight hug. “Yes, of course, of _course_.”

 

For a long time they stay like that, Nick sitting in the kitchen chair with her arms around Harry's waist, breathing in sync. Nick knows there's still a lot they need to talk about, to sort out. But she also knows that she's never known happiness like this before.

 

“You said _her_ ,” Harry says eventually, still muffled by Nick's hair.

 

“I did, yeah,” Nick says into Harry's chest.

 

“We're gonna have a little baby girl,” Harry says.

 

“Yeah,” Nick agrees. “Our little baby girl.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the line "I'm a lesbian, Harold, keep up," and then realised what I'd actually written and laughed a lot, so obviously I had to have Harry do the same.
> 
> Anyway, I do have a [Tumblr](http://bittelitt.tumblr.com/), but it's a hockey blog so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ If you're looking for new fic to read I really do recommend the hockey rpf fandom though. It's brilliant.


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